Pandemic Problems? We've Got a Saint for That

Ask any devout Catholic what they like best about their faith and a reply of “the sacraments” will surely be a top answer. Unfortunately, if not maliciously, the sacraments are (mostly) unavailable at the moment. Yet if you ask a follow up to such Catholics about why they love their faith, surely “the saints” would be an eager secondary answer.

Though the sacraments be absent, the saints remain. For every COVID-19 crisis we face, or imagine, there’s a saint who has our back. They intercede, inspire, and, yes, even entertain. Here are some saints who can, and do, intercede for us throughout our pandemic problems:

While social isolation reigns supreme, the master of this craft is St. Symeon the Stylite. Unable to gain enough prayer time due to a following of devotees (he sounds like a parent at home with the children), he spent 47 years living atop a pillar - the last pillar being over 50 feet high.

If such isolation bores you to death, St. Paul is a suitable aid. His preaching, as related in Acts 20:9, was a little too much for the young man named Eutychus, who sleepily fell from the third story to his death. Of course, Paul quickly revived Eutychus to life, before continuing his talking until daylight.

Some concerns from COVID-19 are more hair-raising, especially if unable to get a good hair trim. For those thinking of attempting self hair-care, there is St. Philip Neri to intercede. He once, in the pursuit of humility, shaved only half of his beard before traversing Rome. However, if the haircut is irreconcilable, there is always St. Drogo to ask for aid. St. Drogo was afflicted with a mysterious sickness which made him repulsive to the eye. He is now the patron saint of unattractive people.

If you are thinking that COVID-19 is really COVID-1984 - i.e. that communist opportunists are using this pandemic to gain control of society - there is St. Joseph the Worker. Of course, the Communists are known for using May the 1st as a day to celebrate their God-deprived “work” principles. Pope Pius XII, in 1955, struck down this ideal, and declared May 1st the Feast of St. Joseph the Worker. St. Joseph, along with Our Lady of Fatima, are the most powerful intercessors in fighting the errors of Russia – the rampant communist ideas.

Turning to holier things - If the Church is closed to prayer, consider St. Dominic Savio. The devout young man would kneel at the door of his church and adore Christ while staring through a keyhole.

- If live-streamed Masses are becoming a bore, ask St. Clare of Assisi to enliven your fervor. As one Christmas Eve she was laid up in bed, she miraculously received a vision of the Mass which was simultaneously being said. Her devotion from “attending” this Mass was immeasurable.

- If Confession is spoken at an awkward distance in an open public space, remember St. Damien of Molokai who famously shouted his sins to a priest on a boat in order to receive absolution.

- If marriage is taken away, even for moronic reasons, consider praying to St. Valentine. When marriages were banned in Rome during his time, St. Valentine defied the civil authorities and continued to perform secret marriages for young couples. When his actions were discovered, St. Valentine was beaten with clubs and had his head chopped off (February 14, 270).

Speaking of lost heads, to those losing their heads with anger and harsh words, be it Twitter or other forms, St. Denis offers the example of speaking meritoriously. St. Denis, after being decapitated, picked up his head in his hands and walked six miles, all the while preaching a sermon on repentance.

Yet, there is losing your head on Twitter, and then there’s the most impossible case of them all… trying to deal with the inexplicable run on toilet paper caused by the pandemic. Yes, there are even people fighting over toilet paper… Take me now Lord. Well, perhaps St. Julian the Hospitaller can help. He is the patron saint of murderers. Having killed his parents, St. Julian amended his ways and eventually opened a hostel for travelers and those sick or needy. He is a perfect example of hospitality. Cause the Lord knows our patience is going down the toilet.

We are never alone. For any COVID problem, the Catholic Church has a saint for that.


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