Showing posts from October, 2020

Last Night I had a Dream that I was Elvis...

Last night I had a dream that I was Elvis. I was the king of rock and roll. I sang my songs of love and rebellion for the downtrodden world.  But the world was not pleased with me. I wasn't wearing a mask while I sang. "You're spreading coronavirus everywhere!" they screeched in anger. I shook my hips to appease their wrath. It didn't help. Not anymore. Karens are above hip shakes. Mercy! So I left the building. I went on the run. Through canyons and caves I fled, refusing to jailhouse rock with a muffling mask. But eventually the government caught up to where I was hiding. I was caught in the final scenes from The Sound of Music.  The soldiers were slowly panning their flashlight in my location. I was ducked out under the seat of a pink Cadillac-suburban. The light gleamed before me. I held my breath, and silently fixed the single hair that fell out of place. They never found me. Take that government. Long live the king.

Dad, Can You Tell Me a Danny Story? Episode 1

"Dad, can you please tell me a Danny story?" Such is the daily request from my four year old daughter every night before bed. "Danny" being me - when I was just a wee lad - and the stories are the real-life adventures young Danny encountered. And so I begin every night with a "Danny was a good little boy, and always very..."  They fill in the blank. "Curious!" "Hungry!" "Bad!" Then the story begins. Last night my daughter had a further request. "You should make a book of Danny stories." Hmmm... maybe I will. But how? Perhaps I can start writing them down on this my personal blog, and collect them later. Let's try one for size, shall we? * * * Danny was a good little boy, and always very... interesting. It was a rare day. The actual day on the calendar said Good Friday, which I suppose is not so rare, being a yearly occurrence and all. But it was a beautiful, warm, and sunny Good Friday, which was almost unheard

Trudeau and the Final Straw

Pre-Covid, Canada was like a man person on a mission. The goal was to banish all plastic straws. I believe the logic was such: straws kill polar bears. And so, more of the unreal ensued. Schools, in particular, became the breeding ground for such environmental madness. Enter coronavirus. Suddenly masks have become the flavour of the day for Canadian "values". Wear masks or kill grandma. It sounds harsh. But wear masks or kill polar bears can't be used, because such a phrase would be dripping in glacial-melted irony. You see, masks are everywhere. I do not refer simply to human faces. I mean they are in every ditch, river, and piece of the world that would otherwise be occupied with straws. Masks are literally littered everywhere - they are the new straws.  So what a predicament. How can Canada attempt to ban straws to protect the environment when they also mandate masks everywhere...  Enter Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau with the solution: We will ban not only

One Year Ago: Vatican Idol

One year ago today I came home from Mass and adoration and was feeling pretty good. I turned on my computer and was presented with this: I felt sick. This was maybe the grossest moment I’ve ever experienced as a Catholic. Needless to say , if the past 12 months are any indication, I don’t think God has been too pleased either.